Prologue

Well, here it finally is, my long-awaited international blog. The reason why I decided to start writing it in a foreign language is my wish to introduce my thoughts to wider, more international public and also practice my English skills. I have several friends and acquaintances abroad who have expressed their wish for reading my blog in a language they understand. So, in order to satisfy their request, I decided to embark upon writing it in English. As I want to centralize all my texts here without losing their function, the first posts in this blog will mainly be the translations of the correspondent Estonian texts.

Once upon a time I had a thought that writing a blog was not and would not be my thing. Yet here I am. As a person of creative soul I am very critical about myself (yes, Franz Kafka is one of my favourite writers), thus I am very seldom content with the results of my work. I have always known that my ideas and inner world are a Value with a capital "V", but despite that are in an unwritten form. Therefore, I guess everything I am going to write down here will not be what there is inside me in unmaterialized form. Whether I am capable of being consistent and overcoming the eternal chasm between the theory and the practice, time shows. However, as anyone can see, my first attempt is already a failure as I hate the sentences which contain both (conversationally) opposite words such as theory and practice; yet they are both here written in black and white.

For me, reading objective descriptions (except for travelogues) is extremely annoying. Therefore I am not planning to concentrate here on writing about what I have done somewhere sometime with someone. I want to emphasize the reasons of my deeds, thoughts and Weltanschauung, not their consequenses or the ways my inner world expresses itself. I remember a foregone argument with my brother about which films are worth watching. I was young and stupid then (now I sometimes feel younger and more stupid than then, but I am aware of that), and I considered typical Hollywood motion pictures that clear everything up at the end to be good films. My brother disagreed with me saying that my taste was really bad and demanding action films. Nowadays I prefer the dramas and the thrillers that presume the viewer's brainwork and offer very often vague possibilities for interpretation. My texts can be compared with the last category. Thus I am not going to write about what I have done or thought, but rather why I do or don't do something or think this or that way. And if I can't find any reasons for my actions, I will write down the details with no connection between them. Maybe I am old-fashioned, but the content also matters. Call it boring or inconvenient, I don't mind.

I think that I have no skills for writing objective descriptions about other people (at least such texts are not fit for publishing). Every time I encounter such task, I end up in the situation that could be entitled as "L'État - c'est Moi!". On the other hand, I consider myself much more objective in comparison with other people yet knowing that objectivity as a phenomenon does not exist. The important factor therefore is that I know myself well enough to value who I am. I think that's the starting point.

What I wanted to bestow consideration upon is what I have already written about: I don't like to reproduce the events but to analyse them. Alas, very often it results as a sort of introspection toward myself. Therefore, my seemingly objective texts can also be read as the way I see myself. Some thoughts should stay between the lines, that's why I expect the readers of my blog to be of a more intelligent nature.

The main goal of my blog is not to make sure that everyone who reads these texts agrees with me completely. I don't want to advertise myself. In fact, my first priority isn't to gain as many readers as possible. I write the blog for myself. I do it because I want my thoughts to be gathered in one place. I am aware of the fact that the concept of the blog assumes externality. However, the circumstance that my blog is public is quite irrelevant for me. I use it as the easiest and most convenient way for concentrating my thoughts in written form. Whether people care about my texts or not, is secondary. That's why I also don't assume them to be politically too correct.

Despite the fact that I write mainly for me, I am not against critical remarks towards my thoughts, however I assume that the critique is objective. The people who can't prove their arguments when arguing with me and rely on dirty tricks such as argumentum ad hominem are really funny for me. Critisizing means that my blog has some importance. And that's what makes me feel good.